Monday, April 28, 2008

My Soap Box

It was crazy busy last week, so sorry for the lack of new posts.

The past few weeks we have been able to spend a lot of time with our friends, something we like to do, but we still prefer to be to ourselves most often. I think that we are kind of hermit-esque. Zack and I tend to be very anti-social, but we love to go out together.
Anyway... over the past several months & years we have really started to notice little things that drive us nutty. We have noticed that even though a couple is a happy and strong one, and fun to be with, they will sometimes use little phrases that are very subtly on the rough side to each other. I don't think that they are even trying to be mean, but it can be something that can unknowingly hurt the other spouse. They really aren't even fighting or bickering at all. Sometimes, it can be as simple as not asking the other one nicely to do something. Maybe Zack and I are just ultra sensitive, I don't know. I am not saying that we should all be in a constant state of wedded bliss, because making up can be quite fun, but I think EVERY couple could do a little better at treating their sweeties more lovingly and, in the words of one of President Hinckley's recurring themes, "We need to... be a little kinder... than we have been."

A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to Dr. L-A-U-R-A which I very rarely do. Anyway, a caller was complaining about how she felt that she needed a divorce because she thought that she and her husband didn't love each other as much as a married couple should.
I about hit the roof! Luckily, Dr. Laura was on her game and suggested to the dummy that for one full week she should act as if she is madly head over heels in love with her husband. Date him, call him, leave him love notes, do whatever it is she would do if she were absolutely "ga-ga" over this man no matter how he responded. Then, after the entire week of this, she should call Dr. Laura back. The woman whined and complained about why should she have to be the one to do this. Heaven forbid change should start with US, right?
Anyway, a week later, the woman called back and surprise, surprise, she was astounded to realize that he responded in kind to her loving attention and things were looking up.
Our marriages should always come first - no matter what!
I love to watch people, and it is interesting to see how couples interact with each other at church while just sitting there. Some sit next to each other and snuggle, some wink from across the children at each other, some just act as if they don't notice the other, or some just function as if it's a job to be married. Then there was the couple from our last ward that practically made out right through the meeting, barely parting to take the sacrament. They weren't even newly weds - I just think that they didn't have a clue about good taste or real class. They made every one around them gag. I really wish I was exaggerating, but the mental images and scars say I'm not.

Now - I am not saying that I am perfect, but can't we all be just a little bit kinder, gentler, and more loving to our spouses?

Phew! That's the end of my preaching for a while - there, aren't you happy? No? Then go tell your hubby/wife how much you love them.


Stacy said...

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. First off, Alex and I are also somewhat anti-social. Not because we are hard to be with, I hope, and we do like hanging out with friends, we just love each others company more I guess.
We have also been out with friends and the same sorta thing happened. After our date we just looked at each other and said "what the crap was that?" "If you ever treat me like that I'll..."
Thanks for the reminder Amber. Always needed and appreciated.

Erika said...

Bravo. Brent and I don't have friends down here really, but yeah, we don't miss it much. Not that we don't like getting together with people, we just don't have problems with it just being us, you know? Although I have to say when we did go out with friends a lot, Brent and I were probably the worst at that sort of thing... maybe just because between our friends we'd been married the longest! We do need to work on it some but most of the time we're just sarcastic to each other!! Definitly not like some couples we've known!!

Nate & Jess & Jr. said...

I know, I've always dreamed of being one of those couples that still hold hands in public when their old & wrinkly.

The Dr. Laura story reminds me of the book Nathan bought called "Love, Laughter & Romance." It has a lot of FUN idea's & stories about keeping the spark alive. Like putting post-it notes in the others Jacket or on the Fridge or Car that say something sweet.

Jourdan said...

I'm trying to figure out what's worse, the people that are inconsiderate to their spouses, or the people who sit around judging the ones who are. :)

With that said, I am guilty of both.

Zack Church said...

Amen! I guess it's a good thing I agree, since we're married and all. Over the course of working in a few different jobs, there naturally comes the opportunity to talk with your spouse over the phone, whether your spouse also works at home or at a paid job. Working in close quarters, I've often been able to overhear one side of these types of phone conversations... not that I'm trying to eavesdrop, but due to the fact that it's completely quiet except for fingers tapping on keyboards and one person talking to their spouse on the phone. I've heard both ends of the spectrum... a husband being quite demeaning and downright insulting to his wife over the phone, and another husband (who was at least 15 years older than me) who made smoochy/kissy sounds into the phone at the end of every phone call he had with his wife.
Regardless of whether or not people try to show or hide the way they treat their spouses, people are watching (not "judging", but "watching" and "observing")... sometimes it's encouraging, and sometimes it's downright discouraging and depressing. A few years ago when I was in a different department at my current job, there were a few times I wanted to give one of my co-workers a nice quick taste of some barbecued knuckles because of the way he spoke with his wife on the phone every day. If anything, those experiences of observing others (the good examples and the not-so-good) have made me want to be better. I hope I am.

Fullmer Fam said...

I love Dr. Laura!! I get so excited when I hear a person's question or story and KNOW Dr. Laura is about to RAIL on them because they are so idiotic!! It just makes me laugh! : )

Dad C said...

AMEN!! Thanks for the “speech”! It was great. And I think it is greatly needed. I have relatives (No! I won’t name names!) who barely seem married, much less in love. They live in the same house and often ride in the same car, and often eat at the same table, but that’s it. I have never seen them touch, hold hands, kiss, or exchange loving greetings. Well, maybe I saw these things at the temple the day they were married, but not since. Strictly business, it appears. On the other hand, I have other relatives who though they have been married many years seem like newlyweds.