Saturday, April 5, 2008

I need this conference weekend so badly. I need to feel the soft whisperings of the Spirit and bask in the light and company of our new prophet and our other leaders.
This past month has been such a challenge for me. My temper and patience level have really switched places. Usually, I can shrug off my problems and tell myself, "After all, tomorrow is another day" but recently, everything seems to set me off.

When setting something down, I find myself slamming it down. Instead of tossing something into the garbage, it's hucked so hard it breaks or breaks something else.
Yesterday, for example, Emily was crying for so long because I couldn't hold her. If you've ever heard her cry, you'll understand how bad it can get. Remember this?

That is EXACTLY what her angry cry is like. It's awful - I love her to pieces, but oh, her cry!

Anyway, I had just changed her diaper and was carrying her upstairs to put her diaper by the front door to take out later, when I threw her diaper at the front door so hard that I think it scared everyone. I know at least Zack was a bit concerned when he left for work. I think he feels like he has to handle me with kid gloves recently. Poor Zack. I love him so much.
I know she isn't sick - just had her check up. She just always wants to be held.

Anyway, I think that I just need to "refuel" on the spiritual and lean more heavily on my Savior to help me through the difficult spots. I think that the Lord knows that 6 months is about all people can go without the extra help.
I already know it's going to be great. The opening prayer was amazing this morning. He asked Heavenly Father to bless the mothers. How beautiful was that?


Suzie said...

motherhood is so tough! do not feel guilty about being challenged. you have a huge load to bear and the fact that you are doing it right jsut makes it harder.

get out of the house more by yourself.

it's ok if she cries. use headphones.

get more family help to clean, etc.

just time passing will help.
and you are a great mama.
have more fun!

p.s. poopy diaper? hope not. poo art isn't so fun.

SkyTang said...

Amber, I still need your kids in the day time!!! Please let me take them. I also loved the opening prayer!

Erika said...

I teared up at the opening prayer, I need all the help I can get. Don't take this the wrong way... but it makes me feel so much better to hear that you're having a hard time with it! Sounds terrible, BUT it's only because I think you're just the best mom ever and I always feel so guilty for not being as loving and tolerant as you! You know how we all compare our 'worst' with everyone else's 'best'. You're great and I know conference will make you feel better! One of the main things I thought while reading your post was that you need to take a nice long bubble bath with soft music, or better yet a great book with ear plugs in! Hope you get to feeling better soon! I miss you!

The Eggett Family said...

Oh Amber - You are such an amazing Mom and Person. It's so nice to hear that you actually get mad every once in a while. Kendra just started a CLINGY phase. It's driving me crazy. If she's not sleeping, she wants me in her sight or holding her. Hopefully it's just the age and will be a short phase right?

Aaron & Devony said...

Oh yay. I'm so glad you posted this Amber! Sometimes I get so frustrated too and even though I love Sydney, I sometimes get crazy! Good to know everyone else does too!